I was thinking about starting this blog off with some blithe remarks on how fast time is going, the beauty of Christmas lights, or how awesome the Thai food was that I just ate this evening. But honestly, that has nothing to do with what I want to say and will just waste your time. So enough with pleasant descriptions.
The truth is, I've lost Christmas in the act of celebrating Christmas. The busyness of the season has distracted me so that I've spent less time with the person that the holiday is celebrating. It's ironic and completely wrong. Unfortunately, this problem isn't limited to Christmas. I might have just as well have said: the busyness of my life has distracted me so that I've spent less time with the person that my life is supposed to serve. It is so messed up, it feels wrong even typing it. I've recently felt very torn with the different relationships in my life. No matter what I do, I feel that I am disappointing someone. It doesn't have to be that way. The selfish head in my voice says "That's right! If everyone could just adjust and be less demanding and more understanding, then things would be better!"
Shut up.
Changing others is not the way and it won't work. At this moment, I feel like one of those bendy people I used to play with. Everything and everyone is tugging me in opposite directions. I can't keep up this game of tug of war, I'm about to snap. So I'm giving this inflexible self to God. I know I can't keep squeezing God into my life anymore. I have to choose if I'm going to go all the way in for God or not at all. So here it is: I've decided to go all the way in. I feel like who I am in my actions and interactions with others isn't even close to who I am on the inside. I need to make those two match up better and I think giving the whole Chloe to God will do the trick. I'm giving my whole self to God and I'm going to let Him sort out the relationships. He can do a much better job than my muddled blumbering has done.
Maybe you feel like me. Maybe you think that I am insane and should go to bed. Nevertheless, here is the best gift you will ever receive. It's freedom from death and sin. It's not based on works or merit badges. Because you see, God doesn't grade us on a curve. He doesn't grade us at all. We are all share a sinful nature and the punishment of death that should be ours was taken away by the death of Jesus for everyone. Did you catch that? For everyone. Not just the "top ten percent" of humanity, or those with the most gold stars. There is no grading scale for God. You either believe in Him, accept His gift of salvation and spend eternity with God or you deny Him and spend an eternity separated from Him. It isn't based on the amount of good things you've done, the amount of money given to charities, the bad things you've avoided, or even the sins that you've committed (thank goodness).
It doesn't get any better than that. Merry Christmas everyone!
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