After months of trying to squeeze 70 productive minutes out of every hour, it feels very odd to be sitting here, at home, in front of my Christmas tree, with nothing to do. Of course, I have a list of people to see, books to read, thoughts to think, and things to do. All those things are on hold until after Christmas though. Even all my wrapping is done.
So I will now take advantage of this time to reflect on the past semester. I've been putting that off too, but I need to close the last chapter to start on the next one.
I really enjoy it when facebook changes things up on people. As soon as anything changed, my newsfeed becomes littered with angry statuses about hating change and progress. The funny part, is they are still using Facebook to express their bitter little opinions. I am personally very fond of the new timeline feature.
This is because I view the present in terms of the future. I like picturing my life in timeline form and seeing how impactful this semester could be on the rest of my life while keeping it in perspective that it was only an eighth of my college experience and a minuscule fraction of my life as a whole. If God can teach me so much in just a few months, I can't wait to see what the next semester has in store.
I have learned to depend fully on God this semester. Correction: I've learned that I have to depend fully on God if I ever hope to fulfill His plan for me or maintain sanity. The actual practice of this is less than stellar.
I've learned to accept being a work in progress and release perfection. I've learned to let down mental barriers in order to appreciate others more fully. I've learned the value of alone time for reflection and God but also that introspection can be selfish and I need a whole lot less of it than I once thought.
I've learned that God is constant and while life is not, I don't have to force it to be. If I let God be the source of my love, joy, and peace than I can let go of everything else.
Sometimes you read the textbook, pay attention in class, study like crazy, and still fail the test. That's where I'm at right now (hopefully not in academics) but in life. I am absorbing so many new experiences and knowledge but I know that I still won't pass the test of putting these things into practice.
Which is why there is grace from God, and a new covenant embodied in Jesus Christ, and this truly is the best thing ever. It's also why Christmas (even minus the anticipation and coldness and snow) is so special.
P.S. I just re-read my Christmas post from last year around this time. The same tensions exist and probably always will. Except this year, I'm not at the point of breaking. Slowly but surely, God is working within me. Even the littlest bit of progress means there is still hope. Merry Christmas!